I swear I had it. I swear Inferno was about to tap. For the first time ever.
Right at the end of a session where I’d obviously gotten my arse well and truly kicked, I caught her in one of my vicious body scissors and squeezed hard.
She screamed out in obvious pain and I’d never seen that look on her face before. I was certain I’d finally got her.
But the stubborn cow resisted! My legs tired and then the alarm went to signal the end of the session! My dream of making her tap crumbles into dust once again!
Anyway, yes, I kickstarted my 2018 wrestling season with a session with my favourite. Of course I was always going to wrestle her first this year. She is wonderful. Talented and beautiful. My favourite, my friend and my ‘obsession’.
We last wrestled back in September while she was still recovering from her broken leg (she still kicked my arse and still refused to bloody submit!). Now she is stronger, although still working her way back to her best.
I couldn’t beat her when she had a broken leg so I didn’t hold out much hope for this one. We wrestled at Dodgy Dave’s wonderful place in Woking and had the added pleasure of seeing the glorious Zoe Page who was there too.
Of course, Inferno didn’t let down on the ‘choosing a great outfit’ and ‘looking great’ stakes. She’s a natural beauty for sure!
With my eyes put back in place after they’d popped out the sockets, we got down to the serious business.
Inferno attacked and I did my best to defend. I managed to fend off her serious attacks for about a minute and a half (might not sound long but count it slowly and it’ll seem quite impressive!) before she went to work.
And she really hit me her best shots! Out came the head locks, body scissors, head scissors, arm bars and, as a result, my squeals of pain.
The first two submissions came with a head lock/body scissor combination while the second was a brilliantly executed cross body pin and arm lock.
Amazingly, it wasn’t all one way traffic. I did try to get on top. I also managed to get my scissors on or almost on before she fought out.
I did make her shout out in agony when I surprised her with a bear hug! Naturally she didn’t submit because she’s a cow and rather tough but at least I proved I can battle with her.
So it was at this point she ramped things up and started doing all kinds of things that left me hurting badly. Her bendy flexible legs attacked me from all angles, my arms felt like they were being ripped out of their sockets and my hand was stinging from tapping the mats hard.
When she got brutal on my ankles forcing me to tap again, she had got to 8-0 – the respectable scoreline I’d said I’d be ok with losing by prior to the match. Sadly for me, there were 20 minutes or so still to go in the session!
As always happens when Inferno and I session, the dirty tricks come out. She pulled my chest hair, tickled me, bit me and pinched me while I pulled her hair, tried to attack her with my stubble and also pinched her. She was far more brutal than me – yes, I even lost the dirty tricks battle!
The scariest moment for me came when I accidentally slapped her across the face! She’d won a submission and as we made our way back to the middle, I pretended to slap her. But as I swung my hand around, thinking I’d miss, I connected with her cheek – complete with a follow through!
She looked stunned and then angry. I felt mortified and then terrified when I saw her expression. Luckily, she accepted my frantic and repeated apologies for my stupidity and let me off!
Well, I say let me off but she continued to hurt me in the legitimate wrestling way and by the end she’d secured 14 submissions out of me – two more than the minimum target she’d set herself at the start.
Of course, I finished on the attack but Little Miss Stubborn Sod wouldn’t submit regardless of how much pain she was in. One day. I swear, one day…
So that was that. The 16th wrestling session with my fabulous favourite (excluding the 2 v 1 match she partnered with Jade for)…and I still have no submission out of her!!
What I do have though is many more happy memories to add to all those I cherish from the past four and a half years.
This was a truly wonderful day. And, as I picked her up from home and drove us to the session and then back again, I also got to see her awesome partner Kiwi, her beautiful big puppy and my number one boy Badger and the latest addition to the family, gorgeous pup Laika!
While she is getting better, Inferno is still working to get back to full fitness and the place she wants to be. But that makes her ability and performance in sessions even more impressive. She is going to get even stronger than she already is! And I can’t wait to get battered by her again!
I will repeat this over and over: she is my favourite! If you’ve sessioned her, you’ll get it. If you haven’t then you don’t know what you are missing! Book her!